I've lived in California most of my life, but I don't have many American friends. Most of them are from other countries: Italy, Germany, South Korea, Mexico, the Czech Republic, Israel, Canada... anywhere but here.It all began when my son Skyler started kindergarten at the elementary school down the street. I'd been warned that the school was full of non-English speakers and most of the home owners in the catchment area sent their children elsewhere.
But, it was free, it was a block away, and I had a preschooler and a toddler in tow. I'd just side-stepped my career for a mommy-tracked consulting gig and convenience was a top priority. How bad could it be? So we signed Skyler up and off he went.
The knot of moms around the class door at the end of the day spoke ten different languages. None of them was English.
It was depressing. I quickly gave up the expectation of making friends at the school. No one talked to me, and I didn't know how to start a conversation in any other language, so I pretended to be fascinated by Skyler's finger painting at pick-up time. But Skyler kept talking about two boys he played with every day, Ben and Itai, and asked if they could come over. After school one day, he dragged Ben over to me and introduced him. "Find his mom!"
A blonde woman with very fair skin approached us, and spoke in a lilting language to her son. "Um, I'm Julie, Skyler's mom. He talks about Ben all the time," I ventured, hoping she understood.
"I"m Mia," she answered. Phew! We'd be able to talk! I discovered she was from Finland, married to an Israeli. Her husband had found work in America, so they'd recently moved here. She spoke three different languages: Finnish, Hebrew, and English. Ben spoke very little English, but Skyler talked all the time, so they got along famously.
After Mia, I met Rama, Itai's mom, also Israeli. They had lived in the US for years. "You are my only American friend," she told me. "It is hard to get to know people here."
How could I be her only American friend? I'd only stumbled into her because of my son. I was scared the international moms wouldn't understand me or want to talk to me, but I never dreamed they too felt isolated. Rama gave me the courage to bumble and lurch my way into more conversations. I met women from war torn countries, Kazakhstan and Pakistan; educated women who came here to find work or followed their husbands but weren't allowed to work. Silly and lonely women who were trained as chefs, scientists, and artists. They became my good friends.
How brave these ladies were to uproot their families and move to an unfamiliar country where they didn't speak the language or understand the customs. It made me wonder who else I'd missed meeting because I was too insecure to be friendly. If the roles were reversed, I hope I'd be invited into the local community in my new home. I just don't want to be the reason someone doesn't have any American friends.
And now I have places to stay in lots of countries that I can't wait to visit!
Posted by Julie Colwell
Hampton Roads, Tidewater, Virginia, Chesapeake, Virginia Beach, Suffolk, Norfolk, Portsmouth, Hampton, Newport News, Poquoson, Williamsburg, nanny, childcare, babysitter, sitter, live-in, au pair, provider, AuPairCare, nannies, children, child, kids, multiples, twins, triplets
